Where Is The Mood?

My mom said I've grown fatter. I thought I was on a diet. What happened to it? O.O

Oh. Maybe it's the Compulsive Eating Disorder. Is there such disorder anyway? Eating whatever you find in the kitchen to cure your emo-ness and the feeling of missing humans. :(


Audrey should know what I feel now. T___T




And I even lost the mood to blog. Where's the mood yo? *sighs dramatically*

Exams are starting this Thursday. Followed by Saturday and then the following Monday and Friday. And ends on 14th September.



I shall blog as a way to escape from books. :D


And you've just wasted 5 minutes ( or maybe lesser ) reading this meaningless post. Goodnight. :D

I won't be updating till I feel like doing so.

Goodnight.

Back to Business.

So college's giving me something that I haven't mentally prepared myself fully. Then again, I'm trying to adapt to the new life which is going to be busy with assignments, tutorial homeworks, boring lectures, presentations, examinations, OO Night Campaign Competition, being a class rep, trying to get into the SSH's SWC and what nots.

I still need to update on the random outings, the trip and Relay for Life. Hopefully I will be able to find time for that. And I am aware of the blog which's not been updated for quite sometime, really.

Just hope that college doesn't occupy EACH minute of mine till I don't even have time to meet the friends. T____T

Aujourd'hui.

Slept at 3.30 in the morning. Woke up at 7.30 a.m. Back to sleep and woke up again at 8.30 a.m. Texted the boyfriend at 8.50 a.m. onwards. Washed up. Turned on the laptop. Went online. Turned on the tv. Switched channels every 10 minutes. Waited for the War of In-Laws 2 which was broadcasted at 10.30 a.m. Played Wii Sport for Boxing and Bowling. Ate a bun for breakfast. Drank the diet drink. Chatted to people online. Folded the clothes. Brought the dog out to pee and poo. Watched The Building Blocks of Life. Piano teacher came at 3 p.m. Had piano lesson till 4.20 p.m. Ate lunch which is a packet of rice with vege and meat.

Currently, blogging.

For the next few hours..

I'll be taking my bath at 5 p.m. Wait till 6 to go KL Plaza for my French class. Study for 2 hours. Into the car by 9 p.m. Have a simple dinner after that. Home by 10.30 p.m. Continue going online till 12 or maybe later than that and off to bed when I got tired of going online.

And there goes my Monday. How productive. In case you don't know what am I exactly feeling. Hint : Bored. I can even bother colourizing the words. This is my most colourful post yet. How nice.

Goodbye, have a nice day. Well, at least, have a nicer day than mine. :D

Undang test tomorrow and I'm super nervous. I don't wanna fail but I haven't finished reading the book. Why do I take so long to finish reading the few chapters? T_________T


I miss you. );

Green-Eyed.

It's been quite some time since I've blogged and honestly, I wanted to resume my blogging with a happier post but I can't betray my feelings right now. Once again, I'm awake thinking what's going on as things happened too fast. Did you once use me for the sake of something else or was it real at that time? I want the answers but seems like day by day, the answer you gave me was just nothing but another string of words so that I can be manipulated.

I don't mind being used by people, really. I can just shut up, do what I'm told to and move on with my life. Those words seem so real and I fell for it. Yet, everything seems to be fading at the same time too. I fucking mind when you are the one who took me for granted. I just hate it so much when it's you who chuck me aside when you don't need me. And it's because I fucking care.

I must admit that I am too used to your presence and once it's gone, it just doesn't feel right. Maybe I'm finally clear with what I want but it seems to be a little too late. Why does it feel like I'm about to lose you any second from now on? Is it just me or things are changing for real - again?

I just wish you will realise what do I really feel. It hurts too much, seriously.

Leaving.

Leaving to Penang in another few hours time, approximately 6.30 in the morning. Quote Audrey - seperti pergi sekolah. ); But this time, I won't be in my uniform while tying my hair with eyes partially closed. I'm going to travel for a few hours and reach Vistana Hotel or whatever the name is and continue sleeping.

Okay, I was just kidding about continuing my sleep. I suddenly miss all my friends even if it's just going there for 3 days. Can't imagine what exactly will happen if I go overseas to further my studies in the future. Worse still, the chances of seeing my high school friends will be way lesser.

And I still don't like the idea of leaving. I think I shall go to my bed and continue feeling emo later. Goodbye.


T________T

Oh, before I end this post..

To my kindergarten mate who talks a lot and always ask me to "Fai Gou Jeong Dai."..

Happy 17th!

Unhappy.

Because behind all the smiles and laughters,

They represent the uncry tears.

Because she's not happy,

She chose to run away from the reality.

Because of the ignorance,

Her emotions are being influenced.

So tell me, what should I do when all I ever need is to break down just for once and not care for anything at all ?

I have lost my comfort zone and I made up my mind.

I have chosen to run and hide. Let them seek for me if they want and if they don't, I'm perfectly fine.

I. Give. Up. On. Everything.

F3.

To PMR candidates,

Lucks and All The Best for the major exam starting tomorrow that will last for a week! ;D

Oh yes, that includes my brother. x]

Meanwhile, there's 28 days to go before SPM in another half an hours time. );

Is It Real or Just Another Crush?

The song Crush by David Archuleta and Lucky by Jason Mraz are so addictive right now as it pretty much says my current situation. Then again, I hope it's just a rebound. It has to be a rebound like.. D-uh.

It's only the second day of holiday and here I am, having stupid conflicts for no reason. I'm supposed to start studying today. This feels so bad and I don't feel like doing anything anymore but I am clear that life goes on. I won't let myself down when shits are letting me down because this is me and I take control of my own life. My new principle of life ; when you can't cry, face it with a smile.




Hello, world. (:

What Made Me Smile Today.

The Add Maths paper wasn't as bad as expected. Paper 1 was the one that made me smile though paper 2 was the vice versa of it. Just hope that I don't get an E8 this time. (:

Moral paper is tomorrow. Not too stressed about it.. yet. 26th September. Please come asap. I need a break. At the same time, start doing intensive studying.



Sorry for the really short post. Exhausted from add maths, that is.

When you think it's over.

I am working myself out too much. Sorry for the lack of updates. Been really busy with school. I just feel like giving up every single thing right at this moment.

Wednesday's was the Education Fair in my school and because I was part of the committee, I'd to be at the Skylite for the whole day. From editting the Programme Booklet for 5 times so that it can be used today to running up and down to make sure my duty is done well. I'm turning into a perfectionist which is in a way, bad, for me. I won't bother explaining why though. Came home and slept for 10 hours straight.

That has proven how tired I was and if I were to calculate the total number of hours of sleep I should have had since 5 years ago, a day of 10 hours sleep is not enough. :)

Oh, and today, the Indonesians came to our school. They told us that they'll reach by 11 but they came at 1 pm. Come on lah, how to arrive in KL at 11 when you departed at 9.30 am from Indonesia? -____- Made us wait like idiots and since I am quite an impatient person, I decided to be at practice by 1.45 pm. I hate waiting for more than 2 hours, honestly. -____-



Anyhoos, two weeks from now, my updates will be lesser than it already is. My apologies.

Life's not fair.

It never is. You want to appreciate the chances you get. When the chances finally come, you have no guts to do what you had in mind earlier. The time passes and then, you wish so hard that you can turn back the time and do what you wanted to. But everyone knows that no one can turn back time, only a new ending can be made. That's when regrets come into life.

I want to let it all out. Scream. Shout. Shriek. Whatever I can think of, I just feel like doing so but there's this one thing that's holding me back. Guts, perhaps, is what I'm lacking of. Some said I should do what I think best but at the end of the day, I will retreat myself from doing anything at all. And then I will start blaming it on my stupidity.

No matter how many times these have been repeated, I can never learn from those mistakes. I don't know how do I feel about anything anymore. I guess I'm getting immune to the regrets which are somewhat still repeating every now and then.


And so, hello reality.

Being active is tiring.

Yet fun. I guess because this is the last year and I want to participate in many things, and so, I am trying very hard to experience different competitions. I know this is my SPM year too and because of it, I am forced to make choices in between activities and studies at all times. Then again, I guess I am capable of balancing myself out.. right? xD

Oh well. Anyhoos, the drama crew is currently working their own asses off to put up a great performance for this coming Monday's competition at Yaacob Latif. Gotten the complete script today and started our very first practice yesterday. SBUians sure are procrastinators. ;p Oh well, everything's in a mess for the first two days but somehow it's better now. Way better.

Missing classes is becoming a habit. A very bad one. I am out of the class the moment I go in because we all have to help out with the props for the competition. Not only me who's doing this but Huey Shan, Mei Li, Aileen, Nethiya and Shin Ee are doing the same thing. We fifth formers are practically sacrificing all our classes for this thing and therefore, I truly hope we will win or at least, getting top 3. :) Then again, having fun and spending quality time together are the most important point of the whole drama issue. ;p

By the way, I think I'm stressing myself out a little too much but at the same time, I do not want to feel all relaxed and I enjoy being stressed wtf. Do forgive me for the piece of crap because I'm very sleepy so goodnight.

Exams Are Over.

Here I am again, sitting down, feeling all relaxed yet, at the same time, blue. The same thought struck my mind again. I noticed that everytime I mention about you, I smile a lot.

I would start to let my thoughts wander off slowly. How would it feel to be with you and your silliness someday? I wish it will be full of laughter and not tears.

What will everyone react if we're ever together? I wish they will be happy for us and maybe being teased once in a while would be fun.

Will everyone said we look sweet in the pictures we take together? I wish it will just be as sweet as the other couples do.

How does it feel to hold your hands? With yours bigger than mine, I wish I would feel warmth and love.

Will we ever stand a chance to cuddle in the cinema? I wish I could lie on your shoulders hugging you while your head's on mine.

How would we call each other by names? I wish even if it's just a simple darling will do.

But all these thoughts would vanish all of a sudden. The smile would fade and I would start thinking again.

Will that someday ever come and what if it doesn't? What if everything that you told me was nothing but a lie? What if all these while I trusted your words and you betrayed me just like that?

And then, I would just snap myself back to reality and avoid all those questions once again. I would remind myself to face the world with a smile because everything's fated.

Tomorrow's a Monday.

Which means school's back. Exam's starting tomorrow and to be honest, till this very minute, I'm not ready for it. I'm supposed to be studying my head off for this exam but procrastination took over me. That's it. I'm finished. Then again, no use panicking now. Goodbye determination.

The holiday's ending in a few hours time. All kind of feelings are bottled up in me and I just don't know how to let it out. The moment I wanted to start talking about it here, I am lost with words.

Maybe I'm just worried for my homework which is as high as Gunung Tahan. Maybe it's because of trials. Maybe it's because of SPM. Maybe school's not the first place I would like to go anymore. Maybe I hate the changes around me. Maybe 2008 is not a very good year. Maybe it's PMS. Or maybe it's you.





My tear glands stopped functioning again. I need to start kickboxing.

Why do I still care when I said that I will not bother anymore?

Why does it still remain the same when things are changing?

Why does it ache when I said you won't stand a chance to hurt me again?

This is my fate, my luck, my life.

note to self : Forget about the unfinished homework. Forget about the past. Forget about the time you've lost. Just stop thinking and go to bed you insomniac homosapien. );

countdowns.

5 hours before the concert. A million thanks to Vi-Jean for the free tix. I owe you. ;)

2 days before Christmas Eve. Goodbye KL and off I go to Genting. Countdown countdown!

3 days before Christmas. Santa, I've not been an extremely ms. Goody-two-shoes but hey, all kids have the rights to get X'mas present right? ;D

7 days before KLIA. I remain secretive. :)

9 days before New Year eve. 2007 will be gone, and never come back again. Memories are the ones that keep everything alive.

10 days before year 2008 comes. A good start will come. I know it will.

it's the little things you said.

I wish we were back at exactly a month ago. If only the time had stopped there, I rather not have those unforgettable memories.













Do you still remember what have you said?

If there is one question that I want the answer now..

I would ask,

What position do I hold in your heart?

And if there's a dare I would like you to do..

I would want you to make me believe in miracles again.

Chemistry fail. Yeah, and if I get 50 and above, it's a miracle. :) Tomorrow's bio and physics. I can't seem to motivate myself to study as you see, my brains have totally shut down. Thank goodness the papers are all objective or I will be sending in blank sheets as my answers. Okay, so I ain't that dumb to NOT know a thing but hey, the knowledge I currently have is very limited now. );

somebody please take the gun and shoot me down if i don't study.