T. Chan.

To the fatty who's grown fatter over the years,
To the one who asked for BBQ Steamboat when he knew the sister's on diet..

Happy Fat BirthDay!

He's the same weight as me. xD

This is what I did when I had an hour plus left during Physics 2. ;p

Can be accepted lah kan? I need to practise drawing more often. );

A&C.

To the twins from Krisaliz Kindergarten,
To the happy-go-lucky ones..

Happy 17th!

Stay the way you both are. ;)

I've typed many words, highlighted every single letter and pressed the Backspace button because if I were to ever post them up in this blog, I will hurt people. I know I will. Now if only life's this easy, all you gotta do is to push the Delete icon and everything's erased from your memory. I want a memory loss.

God's been giving me too many lemons this year and no, I can't turn them into lemonade. They're entering my life without pausing for a little while. Or maybe it's just me mistreating myself.




Meet my biggest enemy ; my emotions.

Time To Let Go.

I know I should be happy,

I know I should control my temper,

I know I should put other's priorities before mine,

I know I should not let shits get in my way..

..but I'm not doing so.

And now, I want to be selfish. I am going let my feelings to take control of me. I won't control them anymore. I am so tired of faking a smile every single day. I am so sick of making people happy when I'm not even at the right mood. Therefore, don't bother if I'm going to reply you in a positive or negative way. When you ask why, I won't give you a single reason. When you're annoyed by my replies, don't talk to me then.

***

To A, I want to thank you for listening to me all this while. I guess if it weren't for you, things wouldn't change for me. It feels good to know that at least you've been there for me when I needed it. Now, I will learn how to face the world without you because I know I have to. Eventually, I know I will grow out of it. I will never forget the days where we made fun of each other and listened to what we have to say to each other. Unfortunately, it's time for me to take you out of my memory. I'm sorry but if I don't do so, I will suffer. Just let me be selfish for this one and only time.

To B, it is very nice of you to listen to me when I'm not myself. It's funny how we can be so close after all that had happened. I appreciated it when you allowed me to talk to you though it's past midnight. I thank you for all the advices but I guess that's that. It's not very nice to keep bugging you with my own problems when you have your own things to handle. Therefore, I won't let my problems out to you unnecessarily anymore. But if you ever need to talk to me, I promise I will be there for you no matter how late the night is or how busy I am.

To C, if only you could tell me how you feel right now so that I wouldn't get myself into such conflicts. I do understand that you're busy and the exam is more important than anything else. I wish you could let me talk to you when I needed to do so but no, where the fuck are you everytime I needed help? I'm not angry. I'm just upset. I'm upset when everytime I needed a listener, that person is not you. It would be everyone else but you. If you know this would happen, I rather you not care so much from the start.

To D, thank you for trying to cheer me up and I must say, everytime, it succeeds though it won't last. Well, at least my mood did improve whenever you say something funny. But one thing I must say, you hardly give me any good advices. ;p Then again, I appreciated that you've at least made me laugh. I just hope you don't start saying nonsense and unnecessary things to me. x]

To E, those who have been all the while giving a strong support to me, thank you. But I guess it's time for me to stand on my own though once in a while, I will still need the supports. Being dependent is not a very healthy practise as we all grow up anyway. I shall learn how to be independent instead of relying too much on people.

***

I've got to move on and be who I am.

Why I Hate Ciggies.

Because I stink like one now. Stupid ciggies and smokers. Pfft. I feel like a walking ciggy wtf. Then again, at least the urge to sing is finally let out. Therefore, I shall just forgive the smell. :)


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..

..

Actually, I won't. Because scorpios do not forgive nor forget. Therefore, too bad suckers. May you feel the guilt till year 2008 is over. Anyway, went to iBox after dinner. It's a new karaoke place somewhere in Cheras. Cheapest among all the other karaoke places that I've been to. It's not bad in a way but room a little too small.

There are only the long chair that my family were sitting on,the coffee table, another side chair that my uncle was sitting on while pressing the touchscreen menu and the plasma tv. I don't know if you understand what I'm trying to say or not but whatever lah kan? I only like the touchscreen menu lah. It's more advanced. :D

Besides, I only wanted to sing. So, everything else didn't matter much. And luckily I have my singing partner - the uncle. :D

Oh, by the way, this is the toilet. I'm trying to show you how nice it is for a low-budget karaoke lounge and it's nicer with me taking a picture of myself. :)

Too much of singing makes one goes cuckoo. Goodnight.

tagged #11.

It's been a while since I've done any tags. By Fatin Nadhirah Idrus. :)

***

Who would you count on to…

Make you smile?
` Anonymous.

Make you laugh?

` Yong Jun Kiat ; I laugh like nobody's business whenever we talk.

Have the best music?
` Liew Kah Hoong ; The songs that I want always come from him.

Be the most perverted?
` Hazel Wong ; We talk freely. :D

Give the best advice?
` Chang Pui Yan ; I will end up listening to her advices even if it makes no sense. :x

Dance the best?
` Chew Aileen ; We danced on the stage before.

Be your shoulder to cry on?
` Kok Mei Li ; Those were the days. :)

Do something stupid with you?
` Chang Pui Yan ; We've been doing things stupidly ever since we know each other.

Teach you the most?
` Parents ; They taught me how to walk and etc etc. xD

Gang up on other kids with you?
` Lum Huey Shan ; I don't think she would mind doing it with me.

Rob a bank with you?
` Chen Ying Si and Michelle Chen ; We'll most probably end up laughing while robbing.

Go to the principal's office with you?
` Phang Shin Ee and Nethiya ; Let's ponteng in her office. :D

Hurt you the most?
` I won't say anything here. :)

Dance crazy in public and dont give a crap what others think?
` Chew Aileen ; And again, we did it last year. ;p

Be the mother figure of your “group”?
` Low Wai Xiang ; Kononnya sexy mama. xD

-Gonna tag the bloggers!
` Those whose names are mentioned in this tag. :)

Is It Real or Just Another Crush?

The song Crush by David Archuleta and Lucky by Jason Mraz are so addictive right now as it pretty much says my current situation. Then again, I hope it's just a rebound. It has to be a rebound like.. D-uh.

It's only the second day of holiday and here I am, having stupid conflicts for no reason. I'm supposed to start studying today. This feels so bad and I don't feel like doing anything anymore but I am clear that life goes on. I won't let myself down when shits are letting me down because this is me and I take control of my own life. My new principle of life ; when you can't cry, face it with a smile.




Hello, world. (:

What's Done Is Done.

This is quite typical among the fifth formers' blogs, but..

TRIALS ARE OVER! ;D

Nothing to be happy of but at least for the moment, no more papers. Not till SPM is here of course. ;p Also, it's the start of the holiday and I started it good enough to leave myself in misery for the rest of the week.

Goodnight.

Hello.

I'm a nerd today after procrastinating since two days ago.

I shall now continue being one. Goodbye.

Leow.

To the girl on the left in pink,

To the one who ordered T.Y.K.I and left the canteen lady puzzled,

Happy 17th!

mind to teach me ballet? x]

The Other Side.

I used to think that whenever somebody cries, there will be people to tell you to stop doing so because everything will be fine. There is at least one person who would ask what's wrong. You will then feel better after talking to that particular person. The ones who cry in public are people who do not use their brains. All they would ever do will be sitting there, letting the tears flow and wishing so hard that everything will be solved by just plainly, tearing. After the tears, all you would ever get are a pair of swollen eyes and a Rudolph's nose.

To me, crying is a sign of weakness. It signifies someone who cannot handle themselves well enough. For example, babies. They cry when they're hungry, they cry when they wet their pants and they even cry just because they don't like that somebody to hold them in their arms. Pathetic, I would say. To those who cry just because of some heartbreaking scenes from a movie, I think that individual doesn't know how to control their feelings. Not only that, the individual has got issues with differentiating between movies and the real world.

Crying are only for attention seekers, weak humans and people who have got nothing better to do than crying for some stupid movies with the melancholic element there. If I've offended anyone out there who've been crying so much, I'm sorry. On the other hand, do let me continue because it's not the end.

I was wrong about this action. It is not a way to seek for attention because when it happens, it just does without any warnings. It is not a sign of weakness. It's a way to express yourself whether you're unhappy, heartbroken or dissatisfied. The ones who have not been hiding themselves from everyone just to cry, I salute you. You had the courage to just pour your tears out without having the fear of feeling embarrassed. It is not for weaklings but for every single living thing because everyone is borned with it.

And because I was, all the while, thinking that crying is equivalent to weak, I had built barriers around me so that I won't be hurt by words or actions easily. I stopped myself from crying everytime something unfortunate happens. I forced the tears to flow back into my eyes when it's already on it's way to flowing downwards instead. I have made myself to not cry in front of anybody at all.

Now, 9o percent of the times when I needed to let my feelings out most, I've succeeded in stopping myself from tearing. Unfortunately, I am not happy. This situation has been going on for too long. I've almost forgotten how it felt like to cry your heart out. Even if I do tear up, it is only a droplet or two. I've turn myself into someone who tries so hard just to get her life right instead of crying though I would like to think this is a form of toughness.

I've gone so far to make myself so tough. But now, I rather give up on the toughness to gain the courage to tear again. I've lost the ability to let my feelings out in a different way. I rather give up in being tough, be the sensitive person I used to be. I rather stop thinking on how to fix things just to fucking cry.








I rather be a weakling I used to be than being someone who's only able to cry silently because I'm so tired of everything. Everything.

I personally think I screwed my interview this afternoon. I'm having a headache now. I don't understand Hokkien and because of that, I do not understand half of the movie "Money No Enough 2".

This is not my day. Goodbye.

Conflict.

I am not nervous. I am so calm right now. I am going to face the interview with confidence. I am going to show the interviewer that I am worth her/his time. I am going to make sure she/he regrets if she/he is not choosing me. I am going to give her/him the confident smile like what Silkygirl's slogan is; unleash your confidence.

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I AM SO FRIGGIN' NERVOUS RIGHT NOW CAN FAINT. *faints*

A Sigh of Relief.

Only left with Physics now. And so, I've successfully survived through History, Add Maths and Moral once again. :D I'm a survivor and I'm pretty sure that everyone else is the same as me. I just wanna make myself feel better la can?

Holidays are coming soon. Really gotta study like mad. I need to start insaf-ing before it's too late. I still have 1 month plus before SPM. :D






Forgive me for short posts. I really wanna sleep. Or maybe continue staying online till there are no more people left to talk to.

What Made Me Smile Today.

The Add Maths paper wasn't as bad as expected. Paper 1 was the one that made me smile though paper 2 was the vice versa of it. Just hope that I don't get an E8 this time. (:

Moral paper is tomorrow. Not too stressed about it.. yet. 26th September. Please come asap. I need a break. At the same time, start doing intensive studying.



Sorry for the really short post. Exhausted from add maths, that is.

Have I told you lately?

The BM papers were good, so were the English ones. Maths was.. Let's just say, there'll be a lot of silly mistakes in paper 1. Yours truly has screwed the paper by making very unnecessary mistakes, thus losing marks for it. Paper 2 was okay though. But tomorrow all the way till Thursday somehow seems hellish to me.

Add Maths 1 and 2 on tomorrow and hurrah, I did not read a single thing. Good. I shall just have my first 8E. Or maybe a 9G this time. I've been very weird. I usually get stress before the exam week. But this time, I get stress on that day itself. Not the days or even weeks before.

I feel very much screwed up. Nothing seems right. Nothing. The only thing that makes me feel a little less lifeless would be the interview this Sunday.




Just pray hard I don't start vomitting my intestines out and do well enough to achieve what I have wanted for so long.

Once Upon A Time.

When people asked me what I think about the country last time, I would reply it with a slight dissatisfaction due to racism issues but because the weather is not that bad, the food is wonderful and i love the people around me. And so, the hatred fades away easily.

But now, if someone were to ask me what do I think about it, I can only do these [note : plural ].

*2 middle fingers*

*spits saliva*

*heaves a sigh*

*migrateeeeee*

You. Disappoint. Me. Even. More. Than. Before.

Bodoweep, Najis and Amat Eastmaill should be gone from the country.

***

Jangan sue aku kerana apa yang aku kata hanyalah sekadar fikiranku. Bukan hal kau untuk mencandakan apa yang telahku tulis. Ini hak aku. Hak kebebasan bersuara. Pendidikan Moral yang mengajarku hak ini. Mahu salahkan orang, salahkanlah subjek ini. Salahkan perbuatan keji engkau. Salahkan otak kau yang tidak reti berfungsi. Kau kalah semua dan tidak ingin mengaku kekalahan itu. Sekarang, ramai yang benci engkau kerana segala yang telah berlaku. Inilah balasan. Laknat.

Kok.

To the maddest woman in 5 Sc Lambda,

To the rhythmic gymnast who's the champion once again..

Happy 17th!

trials woman. xD

The Big T.

Trials. Are. Finally. Here.

I am so happy.

Because I am so NOT ready for it.

And BM is tomorrow.

I know almost nothing about the novels and the komsas.

I shall celebrate it with tears.

:'D

.. Goodbye.

A bunch of assholes.

Good day everyone. Please click the red button on the top right of your screen if you do not wish to read the complaints I'm about to post it here.

***

I am so fucking annoyed at the canteen's management. It's getting worse day by day. From the usage of plastic cutleries, plates and bowls, it's switched to polystrene ones. Like hello, don't you ever know that polystrene does a million harm to the health? Good, now we are all a step closer to cancer thanks to your oh-so-brilliant idea.

And then, the prices of the food increased like crap. Just because the petrol price rised, doesn't mean you have to increase the prices to 50%. Your food ain't that healthy seriously. It's so oily and salty. You're not even supposed to be selling burgers, french fries and nuggets to the students. What happened to " schools should sell healthy food and students are forbade from buying junks " ? And to think your food is that yummy? Let me tell you this. The only reason why we buy your food because there aren't many choices.

Not only that, you should be lucky we buy your food and you charged us like nuts for the 4 pieces of small cuttlefish. It's not even fresh for goodness sake. And hello, stop being sucha stingy bitch. What's wrong with taking a fork and a spoon to eat rice? But, you just had to take the fork back and said that eating rice only need a spoon. Lastly, what's wrong with putting my money on your table for a while? Don't have to be such a bitch and sound me about putting my stuff on your table. Oh wait, it's not even YOUR table. It's the school's property.

The whole canteen management is fucked. I swear.

***

On a Saturday.

I was a sad girl when I saw the colourful cube situated next to my bed is scrambled. Because I want it to be in the original state, I took the initiative to learn how to solve the rubiks even though trials are 5 days away from now. I must say a million thanks to Mei Li, Kai Vin and Huey Shan for teaching me how to get it done. :D

And finally, after all the hard work and the time wasted, my cube has transformed from this..

to this..


It's a complete one now. Back at square one. ;) And please, do not be deceived by the enlarged size of it. It's actually a mini rubiks. 3 for RM 10 yo! Got it from Connaught's night market. xD

And again.

I CAN FINALLY COMPLETE THE RUBIKS CUBE!

God bless me.

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..

..

..

IT'S TIME FOR ME TO BE BLESSED FOR THE UPCOMING TRIALS NOW.

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Pui Ying, study for goodness sake. What happened to your New Year Resolution?

*sighs*

Bonding Times.

1st September 2008 ; National Zoo

2nd September 2008 ; Genting Highlands

Chan.

To the girl whom I know through the Maclay cheer team,
To the kiddo who has the same surname as me..

Happy Birthday! ;D

Thanks for inviting me to the party this afternoon. :)

To Anonymous.

Did it occur to you how much I hate it when people start snatching my friends away? No? Let me tell you this.

I hate it when you think you can get closer to them just because you're allowed to go anywhere you want these days. So what if you really are a more socialised person? That doesn't make you famous. That doesn't make you the IT girl. That will only make me hate you so much for snatching one by one away.

To heck with all these forever crap because they don't freaking exist. But hey, who told you that you can just go behind my back and do all these shits? I bet you think that you're so cool for knowing them one after another. Then, you start getting so close to them and it just makes me feel so sick to have that sight. Why do you have to interfere when you already have your own bunch of humans with you there? Haven't you had enough of friends already? People were right about you. It is sickening to have you here.

Just because I kept quiet, doesn't mean I can tolerate every single shit you did. Just because I pretended nothing happened, doesn't mean I'm okay with everything that's happening in front of me. Just because I am still talking to you, doesn't mean I like you. So get a freaking life and go have your own circle of friends. To think that you might stand a chance to be in the same place at the same time with the same people, well, I'm sorry but you will never get that chance.

If you think I'm a bitch, go ahead. Because I don't give a damn about what you say. I'm selfish like that. What the heck but I've been through all kinds of situations and so if you think I would be beaten down flat with your attitude, try me. You don't know the real me.

Ti-Ratana Seminar.

It was held on the 17th August 08 @ KBU and that was the only time when I got to see my friends for the whole holiday. I survived the holiday by staying at home. ;D The day before slept at 2ish in the morning and woke up at 6. And so, with my eyelids half-opened, I got ready and was out by 7. Went to fetch Ke Xin at Connaught and proceeded to the Tasik Selatan LRT station to pick KH and WX up.

Reached KBU and took the yellow tee along with the file. Well, to be honest, this year's tee is 987654321 better than the one I had in form 3. The orange was.. unbearable I would say. Changed into the shirt and went to the hall to take seats. Must say thank you WX and KH for the seats. x]

PY came later on and sat with us. Saw some other VI friends as well. ;D Okay, seminar started at 9ish and as usual, Malaysians' time is always 15 minutes later. -____- This seminar wasn't that much of a help and so, we talked more than we listened. x] And because we had quite a lot of time during break, camwhore is a must. :D


Meet my kawans. :) As if lah you don't know them. x] After seminar, went to Centre Point with WX, KH and KX to wait for my dad. Spent almost an hour plus there. Baskin Robbins teehee. And I dropped WX's phone by accident. Sorry. ); Now his battery cover is loose. I hope it's fixed. :x

And that was my only time that I get to see all of them. );