Angst.

I wish everytime I start blogging, I can have something to blog about but currently, with the unstable emotions I have, I doubt it. I don't even have pictures to be posted up here and therefore, I shall once again, flood this blog with words. Yes, nothing but words.

I've been stoning at home since the day[read : tuesday] I got back from Johor and have rarely stepped out of the house besides going out for dinner. It's so miserable and pathetic that I feel like doing bungee jump from my balcony here. Please forgive me and my insane idea because like I've said, I am having unstable emotions right now.

By the way, when we were in Johor, the form 5 girls have come to the conclusion that I'm having bipolar disorder. Maybe they were right about me having that disorder wtf. *O* I'm very much pissed at certain people now that I might just throw tantrums at them anytime.

Speaking of people, I'm getting annoyed by a small amount of idiots too. Please leave me alone before I talk to you bluntly and when I do, you won't like it. Trust me, you'll hate me for it. Therefore, I'm dropping hints already. Be a little smarter than usual please.

I must admit, many are getting on my nerves these days. Or maybe it's just me. Gah. Who freaking who? I don't give a damn right now.


Leave me alone, assholes.

Yong and Bobo.

To the most retarded guy friend whom I've known since form 1, the one whom I addressed him as WGLD..

..And to the red shirt innocent looking girl next to me whom I've known for quite a while too..

Happy 17th!

I hope they'll enjoy their celebrations. (:

Three Zero Zero.

When I finally had the courage, I was being let down. So, tell me. How to build the confidence once again? It's never easy for me to do something extraordinary like that because I don't put my ego down easily. The female mindset whereby some things shouldn't be done by a girl herself. That's what I think and that's where my ego lies.

After the debate between me, myself and I, thought that I should give it a try. In fact, I did but luck didn't side me. Or maybe I was just saying the wrong things at the wrong time. Not like I have not tried messing things up but whatever I do these days, I just screwed them up. Sometimes, I would really want to just sit back, cross my arms and not bother about anything at all.

And then, I would end up giving in to myself and do what I'm supposed to. I tried, I really did. Maybe it was all a mistake from the start. I shouldn't have done anything at all. I should have just ignored what I wanted to do even after all the struggling. I should have chickened out so that I wasn't let down.

I don't blame anyone for this. I was warned indirectly and yet, I still tried, foolishly hoping I could change the situation. Silly, silly me. The pang in the heart is still there though 2 hours is gone. Leave, I beg you.

For now, I will not give myself a second chance. Not till I'm fully recovered. I'm sorry to have a post like this though it's the 300th post since last year..

...But I know I'm gonna be okay.

Pack and Leave.

When it was exam season, I wish it's holiday. Now holiday's here, I hope it doesn't end. Sigh.

Am leaving to Johor tomorrow morning. I hate packing because I'm worried that I missed out something. And, I hate unpacking because I'm worried that I left something behind wtf. Yeah, I'm a paranoia but this is me. Then again, it excites me pretty much whenever I'm going to farfarawayfromhome with friends. ;D

I hope the bowling alley will be done with their renovation by that time because one of the main reasons I'm going there is to bowl all I want. ); Otherwise, I shall just play squash pfft. Or at least, learn how to cycle. Do not laugh. I don't know how to cycle lah can? I will need to bring some CDs to listen to and some DVDs to watch at night. ;D And the list goes on and on teehee. I hope this time's trip will be good. :)


Teach me how to pack light, somebody.

It's done, for now.

Diagnostics are finally over. Yes, no more papers for the next 2 weeks. Holidays baby! ;D Apparently my parents are trying to ground me but uhh, I sorta 'ignored' what they told me the other day. I don't want to be so lifeless facing books ONLY during this coming holidays though I know exams are a few months away.. 25 weeks perhaps? );

On a brighter note, when SPM's over, I'm going to start planning all the things I need to do. I just hope none of my friends and I will get NS because if we all do, the plans will go cuckoo and then poof, everyone will be moving separately and god knows where will they be. -.-"

Then again, I hope things will try to go my way because this is my last high school year. *sighs dramatically* For now, I shall sit on the comfy sofa and start watching AOD again. (:



Trip's in 3 days time. ;D

New link.

First of all, I would like to apologise to those who have linked me as they'll have to relink me again. This is because I think the previous URL was a little too long. x]

Secondly, I do not wish to have certain unwanted people reading my blog for the time being.

Thirdly, do bear with me and that temporary header because my personal computer is still unfixed and I have no pictures nor any needed programmes in this current computer.

Finally, I would like to wish all the Buddhists out there Happy Wesak Day! Have a blessed evening and let us all put our hands together to pray for the unfortunates in SiChuan. :)

I wish I had the guts.

I had the chance and I blew it off. Can I be any smarter? (--,)" Honestly, screw the stupidity in me. Screw it so hard that I hope I have more brains at times. Oh well, what's done is done. I shall pray for another chance soon. There goes another regretful night.

I used to be someone who wouldn't mind staying at home for a few days straight and wouldn't mind doing so. I didn't know going out will be so addictive and now that I'm stuck at home for two days straight, I'm already complaining. Goodness, I've learnt my lesson from my mom. Going out once will make you want to go out more than that. Aku insaf banyak banyak. I want my license and my very own car after SPM. Otherwise, I will rot, like.. really rot.

And.. My credit is low again. *wails* Why so fast wan? Digi must have cheated my credit dammit. How am I going to survive for another few days with only less than RM 2? Die you money crisis, die you. Someday, I might consider having a credit card though I know credit card is the root of all debts.

This is my Sunday. A very sad one. -___-

Hyped Up for Hols.

For the next four days, I will not be going to school as I've no exams. ;p I want to go shopping badly but the fund is for my end year trip. This coming holiday will cost me a bomb too. The holiday will be hectic, that is, IF it's followed as scheduled.

25th-27th ; Tanjung Puteri, Johor.
29th ; outing.
30th ; study @ starbucks.
1st ; seminar.
2nd ; outing.
3rd ; outing.
5th ; Taylor's.
6th ; study @ starbucks.

Though it's just a rough idea of the whole holidays, I do hope it's going to work out. ;D Oh, and I'm going to Taylor's because I will be going there for the College Life in One Day Programme. Yes, it means I will be experiencing how college life is like for a day. What's better is I'm going under the Hospitality and Tourism Management course, the course that I'm planning to take up anyway. :D

I'm left with Physics 1 and 2 and that's it, the end of diagnostics. Holidays holidays, I want to spend it wisely this time. Therefore, dear parents, I hope you will allow me to do so. :)





I miss my personal computer. Tell me what to do about having money crisis. );

Home Alone.

Am at home instead of school because I've got no exams today. :) Yesterday's English 1 was good. No time limit and Huey Shan, Aileen and I went to the library to do the paper. We even talked once in a while. See the advantages of taking the exams later yet? ;D

The English teacher of Gamma's aka Triple B gave us a look when we handed the paper in. -__- I swear I just feel like asking her why that biatch look but because I'm a good student, I didn't. :)



I am bored. Physics 3 and English 2 tomorrow. Back to TV. :)

Take a Break.

I can finally take a break from cracking my head on books, temporarily. Left with English, EST 1 and Physics. ;D The advantages of having Bio and Chem dropped. :) But the pressure remains there everytime there's exams. The pressure about me studying lesser subjects and therefore should score better. If you actually know what I meant.

I guess there's always a pro and con to everything. 10 days to go before holidays. Tanjung Puteri is in 11 days' time! I am very excited about it can? Forgive the stressful py. I believe she will be herself again.. soon. Maybe after SPM. xD

Because tomorrow's about EST 1 and English 1, I shall take a good break and read some materials without having them memorized. :) To everyone else out there, have a good night.

Outings.. *drools*.

HMD.

Mummy dearest,

When I cried on the last day of my kindy because I missed my friends, you were there to give me a hug and told me everything would be fine. When I was too lazy to go to kindy and didn't want to wake up, you did not force me to do so and let me continued sleeping. When I needed help in my homework, you were there to teach me and guide me in my work. When I had to be at backstage to get ready for my performances, you were there to put the make up on for me and took many pictures as memories. When I turned the whole house upside down, you would never scold me and would clean the mess up. That's when I was 4 to 6 years old.

When I had to stayback for my extra curricular activities, you would fetch me back from school even though you were tired. When I wanted to go shopping, you will never hesitate to bring me along. When I received awards, you were there to congratulate me and I know I've made you proud. When I had to stay up to do my homeworks, you stayed up with me and talked to me. When I needed help in my artwork, you would not say no even though you always asked me to do my work on my own. When I didn't act like a girl, you were the one who changed me into someone who wears skirts and dresses. That's when I was standard 1 to 6.

When I was even busier with my extra curricular activities, you advised me to take good care of my own health. When I had to go for my camps, you would call and asked how I was doing and then I would be feeling a little homesick. When I had my straight As again during PMR, you were glad to know about it and awarded me with your new phone even though you wanted the phone yourself. When I was at my heartbroken moment, you were there to cry with me just because you saw how hurt I was. When I was finally myself again, you were concerned about me and never fail to ask how I felt. When you asked about my results and I told you it's unsatisfactory, you finally gave in and allowed me to go for tuitions. That's when I was in form 1 till today.

We're more than just mother-daughter relationship at times. When you were down, I would listen to you. When I had complaints, you would do the same for me. You've taught me uncountable things. Though the time we communicate now is lesser, you are and will always be the mother I love most. Thank you for everything you've done for me.

Happy Mother's Day to you, mum! <3

To every mother out there, Happy Mother's Day too! :)

xoxo.

Life's not fair.

It never is. You want to appreciate the chances you get. When the chances finally come, you have no guts to do what you had in mind earlier. The time passes and then, you wish so hard that you can turn back the time and do what you wanted to. But everyone knows that no one can turn back time, only a new ending can be made. That's when regrets come into life.

I want to let it all out. Scream. Shout. Shriek. Whatever I can think of, I just feel like doing so but there's this one thing that's holding me back. Guts, perhaps, is what I'm lacking of. Some said I should do what I think best but at the end of the day, I will retreat myself from doing anything at all. And then I will start blaming it on my stupidity.

No matter how many times these have been repeated, I can never learn from those mistakes. I don't know how do I feel about anything anymore. I guess I'm getting immune to the regrets which are somewhat still repeating every now and then.


And so, hello reality.

Back to Basics.

Math was today. It's amazing how frustrating it was. You don't want to know. I enjoy doing math, usually. Today's an exceptional case because I didn't want to continue doing it at all. I got a headache doing the papers and gah, I can't imagine what will happen to me in the upcoming papers.

Why are they being so cruel towards the trees? One to two questions per page. Doesn't the government learn what's the meaning of conserving the nature? Wait till there are no more trees for them to be cut down. No more fresh air to breathe in. Just wait.

Moral paper's tomorrow and we're left with another 2 weeks of exams. I can't wait to go back to Tanjung Puteri again, the perfect option to relax after 3 weeks of exams. :)

English can wait.

Because today's the Program Peringkat Kebangsaan ' PRS Hebat, Rakan Hormat ', the ones involved didn't have to take the English exams and yes, I'm one of the involved ones. ;p Was practically with the PRS from all over the country for the whole day. I missed them already. But anyhoos, the ones who came to our school are all Form 4s. The whole programme was a success and Pn. Song was quite happy with us. ;D Another experience that I will never forget. Pictures will be posted later on. When I finally get my own computer back. Meanwhile, bear with me for having words only for the time being. Thank you very much. :)

Here are some random conversations today. Very very random ones that made me go *O*..

R.C. 1 @ the Pameran Room.

" ... So do you have any questions? I don't mind if you ask us lots of questions you know. "
" Ask her lah, why she keeps having that cheerful look whole day. "
" I have it ke? "
" Yes, so what's your recipe to keep smiling all day? Share your recipe lah. "
" Oh, I went for plastic surgery! "

R.C. 2 @ the Teachers' Restroom.

" ... Okay, what did I miss? "
" You gotta tell us your experience and then pass the pen to someone else. You got to talk about what you think about that somebody whom you've passed the pen to as well. "
" Hm okay. So, who's turn is it? "
" Yours. She just finished talking about you. "
" Oh really?? Repeattttttt. What did you say about me? "
" I really like the way you smile lah. Very sweet. "

R.C. 3 @ the Amphitheatre.

" Did anyone tell you that you look like Doraemon? "
" Uh.. No. Who said that? "
" Me. So I'm the first to say that! *chuckles* "
" Oh. Yeah, and thanks for making my life miserable for the rest of the day. "
" *Laughs* I can be Nobita. "
" Why not you be Sizuka instead? *chuckles* "

me.
PRS participants [note : 3 different participants].
huey shan.

.. and so, that's the end of the post. Can't say much without the pictures. Do excuse me for I will need to study for my Maths soon because the papers' are tomorrow. Exams should be burnt in hell.

To whom it may concern.

It's funny at times that whenever I said I want to give up, I tried so hard but in the end, that day will never come. Once in a while, I pray for that small miracle to happen because I believe in them. But why, I ask again, why do I bother so much about you? I want to just blurt everything out to you but I know, I can never do that.

Would you, for once, get out of my head? I have many things to deal with. I don't wish to spend my current life thinking of you. It aches so much that perhaps, it can finally bring the tears in once again. It's already the 9th month now.



Time flies, really.

Screwed.

My computer died. Again. Mind you that it's not the 2nd or 3rd time. It's more than that. Just don't ask why or how. I'm a computernoob. Maybe the hard disk has crashed. I don't know. But as far as I'm concerned, someday, I might just throw the whole set of my own computer down the balcony. Samsung sucks. I just hope that all my files in that computer doesn't go POOF because if it does, it'll frustrate me so much that you see an angry me and at that time, the computer will be abused by me, physically.

On a more positive note, I can concentrate studying for now because exams are on 6th May. 4 days away. I hope I won't get addicted to the TV since my computer is gone. I'm so effyouseekay-ing depressed now that I can ripped a teddy's head off. -__-

Oh by the way, Jun Kiat just called to tell me that he was in front of the piano at his school just now. He just got home from school [note : the time]. He wanted me to teach him how to play the piano I think but being the WG as usual, he didn't actually realised that there's no point calling me over the phone to teach him piano. Anyhoos, "HELLO WGLD!" x]

Can't believe it's already May. 6 months to go before SPM is here. Meanwhile, you all will have to wait for the updates on drama comp, SPCA, VICLU's One Day Camp and Janice's concert. Patience people, patience. ;p

Lastly,

Happy 17th to my ex tuition mate, Seet Kin!

I've not met her for a year though. Hope she enjoyed her celebration. :)