Time To Let Go.

I know I should be happy,

I know I should control my temper,

I know I should put other's priorities before mine,

I know I should not let shits get in my way..

..but I'm not doing so.

And now, I want to be selfish. I am going let my feelings to take control of me. I won't control them anymore. I am so tired of faking a smile every single day. I am so sick of making people happy when I'm not even at the right mood. Therefore, don't bother if I'm going to reply you in a positive or negative way. When you ask why, I won't give you a single reason. When you're annoyed by my replies, don't talk to me then.

***

To A, I want to thank you for listening to me all this while. I guess if it weren't for you, things wouldn't change for me. It feels good to know that at least you've been there for me when I needed it. Now, I will learn how to face the world without you because I know I have to. Eventually, I know I will grow out of it. I will never forget the days where we made fun of each other and listened to what we have to say to each other. Unfortunately, it's time for me to take you out of my memory. I'm sorry but if I don't do so, I will suffer. Just let me be selfish for this one and only time.

To B, it is very nice of you to listen to me when I'm not myself. It's funny how we can be so close after all that had happened. I appreciated it when you allowed me to talk to you though it's past midnight. I thank you for all the advices but I guess that's that. It's not very nice to keep bugging you with my own problems when you have your own things to handle. Therefore, I won't let my problems out to you unnecessarily anymore. But if you ever need to talk to me, I promise I will be there for you no matter how late the night is or how busy I am.

To C, if only you could tell me how you feel right now so that I wouldn't get myself into such conflicts. I do understand that you're busy and the exam is more important than anything else. I wish you could let me talk to you when I needed to do so but no, where the fuck are you everytime I needed help? I'm not angry. I'm just upset. I'm upset when everytime I needed a listener, that person is not you. It would be everyone else but you. If you know this would happen, I rather you not care so much from the start.

To D, thank you for trying to cheer me up and I must say, everytime, it succeeds though it won't last. Well, at least my mood did improve whenever you say something funny. But one thing I must say, you hardly give me any good advices. ;p Then again, I appreciated that you've at least made me laugh. I just hope you don't start saying nonsense and unnecessary things to me. x]

To E, those who have been all the while giving a strong support to me, thank you. But I guess it's time for me to stand on my own though once in a while, I will still need the supports. Being dependent is not a very healthy practise as we all grow up anyway. I shall learn how to be independent instead of relying too much on people.

***

I've got to move on and be who I am.