It aches at places you never knew exist.

Never knew it would ache so much. The last time I had this was probably years ago and last year's not even as close as this. Cried a gallon of tears already. Eyes going to go blind soon if I continue doing so.

Friends, I thank you truly for being there for me the whole time. Family, especially my parents and my sister, I gained all the support I've needed from all of you.

The ones who were there for me, thank you very much for everything. I know I've disappointed you guys but I promise you I will be fine again. It is just a matter of time. It won't be now, it won't be tomorrow. But that day will come.

I love you. :)

Train of Thought; The Ring .

It is not just a typical accessory. It represents commitment, a promise, if it's given to someone. It is the willingness to wear it all the time, to remember the commitment made, to remember what keeps you to it. It is supposed to only be for the finger, not in the pocket, the wallet or lying on the table. Because if it is, it wouldn't be called a ring in the first place.

Now, if you have taken it out, what does it really mean? Does it mean that you're not ready to show that you are with someone else? Or are you not committed enough to anything that forgetting to wear it has become a routine? Maybe you think it's time to move on as it no longer means anything?

***

"Is that an accessory?", I questioned my friend. He denied and proceeded to explaining why he's wearing it. It's been with him for more than four years now. It was supposed to come in a pair in which the other is for the special someone. But it's separated now. They have left each other for a reason. I kept quiet for a moment. He's a friend who somehow possesses easy come, easy go character. Yet, he's held on to something which is so small and fitted into his finger. Then I wondered. Is the girl wearing it just like he did? Or has she moved on?

I don't know.

***

What about you? What does the ring mean to you?

Oh Nos.

Life is HECTIC.

Omg. I don't know why I always complain here but yes, this has become my official place to rant and blab on everything.

Anyhoos, the owner has so much to say again and yet, don't know how to start. Le sigh.

Guess I really need a long getaway. GETAWAY FRIENDS, WHERE ART THOU? :(

Is this the fall?

It's been a rocking ship for some time. Right now, it feels like there's hardly anything left to say or the conversations are like a playback, a repeating tape. I don't know what to feel and I'm definitely unsure of what I can even do to save it from all these. I have lots to share but I guess the time's never right. The problem is getting worse - lack of communication.

I'm starting to feel distant from everything that's related to you. I feel like we don't know each other anymore and there's hardly a connection these days. It's almost like online dating. You're there in the virtual life, but it feels empty in reality. I feel empty. I feel like the person that I was so intimate with is no longer here. It feels like  I'm starting to do everything on my own or with others, everyone but not you. It cuts on the inside, trust me. Seeing people having their other half to be hanging out together envies me. It's ironic. I'm in a relationship, yet I envy those who are in one.

I know I can't be complaining to you all the time with what you may think it's nothing to you. In fact, I've been mentioning these either directly or indirectly and in the end, it brings us to the point where we both don't wish to; fights. I don't have anywhere to go, I can't spill my feelings to my family, I can't mention it to my friends and so, here I am. I have to pretend that I'm fine with anything, I'm fine with this situation. Well, I'm not. I just don't have the choice to feel crappy about it.

I want to feel the bond that we have shared for the past three years all over again. I want to feel like nothing's getting in our way anymore. I want to feel like it's the first time we have dated everyday. I want to be the person that you will be prioritizing instead of others. I want to spend time together no matter how busy we've gotten.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still very much in love with this guy I've met years ago. It's just that it gets lonelier everyday. I don't have that strength to go on feeling like this soon. I'm exhausted of having to think of it every night without fail. This is not negativity. It has nothing to do with me thinking negatively. This is the situation that I've been facing for a few months. I hope this thing, whatever you call it, can end soon.

Are we sinking?