Is this the fall?

It's been a rocking ship for some time. Right now, it feels like there's hardly anything left to say or the conversations are like a playback, a repeating tape. I don't know what to feel and I'm definitely unsure of what I can even do to save it from all these. I have lots to share but I guess the time's never right. The problem is getting worse - lack of communication.

I'm starting to feel distant from everything that's related to you. I feel like we don't know each other anymore and there's hardly a connection these days. It's almost like online dating. You're there in the virtual life, but it feels empty in reality. I feel empty. I feel like the person that I was so intimate with is no longer here. It feels like  I'm starting to do everything on my own or with others, everyone but not you. It cuts on the inside, trust me. Seeing people having their other half to be hanging out together envies me. It's ironic. I'm in a relationship, yet I envy those who are in one.

I know I can't be complaining to you all the time with what you may think it's nothing to you. In fact, I've been mentioning these either directly or indirectly and in the end, it brings us to the point where we both don't wish to; fights. I don't have anywhere to go, I can't spill my feelings to my family, I can't mention it to my friends and so, here I am. I have to pretend that I'm fine with anything, I'm fine with this situation. Well, I'm not. I just don't have the choice to feel crappy about it.

I want to feel the bond that we have shared for the past three years all over again. I want to feel like nothing's getting in our way anymore. I want to feel like it's the first time we have dated everyday. I want to be the person that you will be prioritizing instead of others. I want to spend time together no matter how busy we've gotten.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still very much in love with this guy I've met years ago. It's just that it gets lonelier everyday. I don't have that strength to go on feeling like this soon. I'm exhausted of having to think of it every night without fail. This is not negativity. It has nothing to do with me thinking negatively. This is the situation that I've been facing for a few months. I hope this thing, whatever you call it, can end soon.

Are we sinking?