Sometimes, I just feel like there is no use spilling what I feel here anymore because someday, when I read back the old posts, it will just upset me once again. But today, I wish to make this entry as an exception.
***
It is so funny the way they treat me at times. When they're happy, they will probably joke with me and things like that but when they're not, they say things that can really cut me from the inside. I'm not complaining and I know that there's always the Yin and Yang side. Basic stuff. After all, I can't be angry at them because I've been living with them for years. Unfortunately, I just can't accept the way they talk to me at times, making me feel like shutting myself in my own room and go out only if it's necessary. I'm sorry if I've not been a good daughter but I don't wish to be hurt by them. It's not just once that this had happened. This time, it's twice in a week. Do I look like I am born without any feelings? Fuck it, seriously. I may end up backfiring most of the time but the deep cut there? It aches terribly, no doubt.
There are things that I wish I could tell them but sometimes, it hurts when they don't listen. I wish we can have a proper bonding session but it never happened except during the meals at night. That is, if everyone's in the mood.
***
I'm not saying that I ain't happy at all with what I have but I wish we are closer. It makes me happy to see others being so close to each other but why it can never happen to me, I don't understand. I feel as if there's a crack between us even if it's nothing major. Still, I love all of you. Maybe it's not obvious, but I know I do. Tomorrow's a new day. Let bygones be bygones, girl.
When the clock strikes at 12, learn how to smile again. :)
Note to self : The next time you read it, smile instead of being upset cause it's over by then.
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