Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I Don't Belong.

Another day wasted in front of the tv. Procrastination is coming back. Homework is not done. Well done py, well done.
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It's amazing how certain scenes in series can put a smile on my face. I don't remember smiling to those scenes back then. Having a sweet someone to lend his shoulder to cry on, a simple hug just to tell everything will be alright and even exchanging glances every now and then. All these small gestures meant nothing to me when I first watch the show.

Today, I sat on the sofa and played the VCDs again, only then I noticed all these little things. All of them actually made me smile without fail. Reminiscing all those days when I used to have those moments isn't exactly that bad. After all, memories stay forever. You can't just press the "Delete" button as though you're just about to delete a previous post. Sometimes I wonder why movies always have happily-ever-after endings when these rarely happen in reality. Not like I don't want a fairytale ending but sometimes the directors should consider making movies that are closer to the real world. Unveil the truth, I say. (;
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And the word initiative. I wonder if it actually exists. Some think I am not having enough initiative for some stuff. At first, I do agree with them a little and I tried to change and work it out for us. After a while, I realised that they are just like the person they claimed I am. I'm sick of accusations. I'm sick of being the only one who takes the initiative. I'm sick of being left out. I'm sick of everything. I don't know if these people realise or not but sometimes, it's very difficult for me to communicate with them. Maybe things are really changing between us.

Of course, I do hope that if everything can be back where we started, that would be the best but if it is going to be worse than it already is now, I will let go. I'm too tired to go on a life like this. I can't cope up with all these like the others can. Forgive me.
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.. and this is how I spent the whole Thaipusam one-day holiday. Productive eh? *sighs*

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