go topsy-turvy.

I thought everything will just be better but quit thinking like that. Shits just have to come pouring to me anytime, anywhere.

The manager's being an arse these days. I'm going to quit soon. I had enough of you and your crap. You're not that great you know. Spoken English is bad enough, so is your attitude. I DID tell you when I'm suppose to take leaves but you, all you've ever replied is, " There's still very long time, don't come and tell me first. " When the time table is out and I double check my working days, the days I want to have as my offdays are never there. And so, I will have to remind you again and this will be your reply, " Aiyooo, why can't you tell me earlier? "

You're lucky that you're wayyy older than me or I would have sworn in front of you. Right at your face. You're lucky that I'm working for the salary and all these shits I'm trying hard to swallow it down my stomach or I would have thrown the resignation letter to you and just walk outta that place. You don't deserve any respect from me and when I said I am going to resign soon due to the many problems I'm currently facing be it from the parents or the working hours, you start telling me about my parents being not understanding and talking bad about them right in front of me. Who the hell are you to tell me about their negative traits? Nobody. You do not know that my blood was boiling when you told me all those crap and trust me, no matter how much I would complain about how my parents are treating me, Nobody else can talk bad about them in front of me.

Not only the manager's being extremely problematic, someone else as well. You came and searched for me to give me a surprise when I do not need any surprises from you anymore. I was lucky to be having my break time at that moment. You just had to ask me who am I having my break with when it's none of your business anymore. I tried to hesitate from telling you who was that person but you kept asking me as though I was actually with another guy eating my meal at that moment. It was you who gave me back my freedom and let go of everything. I tried very hard to save it from falling apart but I failed. When I have finally let go, please do not come and give me hopes anymore. It doesn't matter whether I'm the one who's thinking too much or my sixth sense is being accurate. Whatever it is, leave me alone.

And to you, all the things you've said to me, did you even mean it? If you didn't, why did you even bother to tell me from the start? No matter how tough I am right now, I will break down someday. I ain't your teddy. You can't just chuck me when you don't need me and pick me up when you do. I do not know whether to feel hurt, angry or nothing anymore. I've lost myself and I am not even sure who I am now.

Maybe I was right, hopes are NOT meant for me.