hard time.

I see that you've moved on, while i'm still at square one, thinking this is not the end yet. Maybe I was right all the while, too much of a big dreamer, having trust in you too easily. Now, i fell into the dark hole once again and this time, i know i have to pull myself out of that cold place to set me free.

I've just gotten my practical exam marks, i passed with a mere mark of 113. I used to be overjoyed when I've got a pass for it, but now, i can't even smile. Not because I ain't contented, but the thoughts of you and your new girl keeps coming into my mind. Do you even remember this girl who has loved you too much and was hurt by you silently?

I was this close to breaking down into tears but everytime I just have to remind myself, it's not the end of the world so be strong. I don't know how long will I be able to handle all these by myself. The feelings bottled up inside are already let out yesterday night, when I read your sweet nothings, And now, it's all coming back, the same old feeling where I have the urge to start cutting, to start skipping meals and to fake all the laughter.

In times like this, I really wish my friends are here now, to hug me and tell me that I'll be alright. But, I do know that I've burden them too much and I'm truly sorry. I know it takes time to get over him, but no matter how hard i tried, he's still there, right at the back of my mind. It ain't easy, to let you go, even if I told my friends so. Those 19 months of ups and downs, remain a memory, a deep cut, an unhealed wound.

I don't know how to go on living my own life without even thinking of you right now. You may be laughing at me for being devastated and depressed because of you, but someday, you'll go through the same phase when you finally lose the one you've put too much feelings on. No, it ain't a curse but this is reality, a place where you know love may hurt you anytime without a warning and yet, you can't stop falling for it.

Dear blog,
I know i've been feeding you with too many emo phases, but i can only trust you because you're the only one that listens to all the rantings and will never feel burden to do so. If there's someday that I got over him completely, maybe emo phases will disappear, just maybe..